Always Love
by fallingawake18
Summary: My name is Bella Swan. I am eighteen years old, and I just lost everything. That everything was Edward Cullen. AH, AU.
1. Prologue

_**Story Summary: My name is Bella Swan. I am eighteen years old, and I just lost everything. That everything was Edward Cullen. AH, AU.**_

_**a/n: i haven't written in awhile, so i'm quite rusty. i hope you enjoy angst as much as i do, because this story will contain quite a bit of it. this will not be a long story, probably only 7-10 chapters. when there is no story left to tell, the story will be finished. i hope you all enjoy.**_

Always Love

_Hate will get you every time_

_Always love_

_Hate will get you_

There are some phone calls in your life that shape your entire future. Sometimes they're happy, like "Congratulations! You got the job!" or "We are so excited to welcome you into our student body!". I remember when I was younger and getting that phone call telling me that my father had made it through his heart bypass. I had never been so elated or relieved in my entire life.

I remember when Edward and I first started dating, and what seeing his name flash across my cell phone would do to my heart. My skin would immediately break into goose bumps and a stupid, obscenely large smile would spread across my face. I couldn't control it. I didn't want to be one of those girls, the girls who totally depended on a guy for their happiness. However, no matter how hard I tried to fight it, I had become one of those girls. He made me happy and whole, and that was all that mattered.

However, there are some phone calls that are at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, the ones that send a feeling of dread straight from your head all the way to your toes. Getting a phone call telling you that the person you love most in the world, the one person who made you forget all the bad shit you've been through, loved you unconditionally, supported you even at your worst has been killed in a car accident, well, that is not one of those happy phone calls. It's one of those calls that leaves you crumpled on the floor, staring blankly at the wall. It makes you want to put your hands over your ears like a small spoiled child who refuses to accept reality. Maybe you can pretend that none of this is really happening, but oh, it is.

My name is Bella Swan. I am eighteen years old, and I just lost everything. That everything was Edward Cullen.

**_thank you for reading. hopefully you all will allow me to continue._**


	2. Shattering

_The little snowflake just became_

_Lost in the storm_

_And suddenly it didn't feel_

_Special at all_

I could not have asked for a better childhood. I was born and raised in the tiny, depressing town of Forks. However, I didn't realize just how tiny and depressing it was until I was older. Growing up, it seemed like the biggest, most exciting place on the face of the earth. Then again, what isn't exciting when you're merely a child?

I always did well in school. I wasn't that popular, but I wasn't exactly alienated, either. My group of friends consisted of me, my bubbly and outgoing best friend, Alice, and Rosalie, the girl with blonde locks down to her butt and always had ribbons in her hair. We had known each other since kindergarten, and Forks was the kind of place where once you established your group of friends, you were pretty much assigned to that group. Of course I was fine with that. Although both were a little superficial, Alice and Rose always had my back, especially when things turned to absolute shit around the time when I turned fifteen.

My parents always got along great. They had their disagreements, but they would usually smooth things over with each other within a day or two. I remember every Sunday my father would go out on the lake to fish with his best friend, Billy Black. While he was gone, my mother and I would usually spend the day watching really cheesy movies, playing board games (she always cheated), and lazily sprawling ourselves across the couches while talking about nothing in particular. Around sunset, my father would return home, usually with several prized fishes in hand. My mother and I would then take the fish from my dad, then banish him to the living room while we prepared some sort of feast with his catches of the day. My mother always did know how to make a mean fish stew.

It was around the age of thirteen I noticed a shift between my parents. When I was eleven, my father suffered a major heart attack. This required him to undergo heart bypass surgery, and he was never quite the same after. The doctors insisted he was fine, but he just didn't seem like his old self. His zest for life wasn't there anymore, which was odd considering the fine line he had just walked between life and death. You would think that he would want to grab life by the balls and experience everything, but instead he would rather spend his time in front of the television.

He was eventually diagnosed with depression. The doctors could never pinpoint if it was some sort of complication from the surgery, but to me the cause didn't matter. What mattered was that I had lost dad that I grew up with. Instead, I was left with a hollow shell that called himself my father. If that wasn't hard enough, I could feel myself beginning to lose my mother, also.

At first, mom was patient with dad. She would make sure he took his medication and that he got plenty of fresh air and sunshine. After all, the doctor had said that was very important. However, I could see something changing in her eyes, some sort of resignation setting in. I noticed that she began to arrive home later and later every night from her job at the community center. She had always been passionate about her job as an art instructor, but she had always made time for her family. That was no longer the case. I was always left to prepare dinner for dad and myself. It had become routine for my dad to arrive home after work before my mother who had begun to offer more private art lessons. I didn't resent her for this. I merely thought she was working overtime to pay off the ridiculous amount of hospital bills we had been left with in the wake of my father's surgery.

Rose and Alice could see something changing in me. They would often comment that I looked "tired" or "mopey". One time, Rosalie jokingly programmed the national suicide hotline number on my speed dial. I didn't find this amusing in the least, and I ended up not speaking to her for a week after that. After that whole incident, both Alice and Rose eased up on me. I think they could tell that something was seriously wrong, even though I was in complete denial. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was the glue holding my family together at that point. However, it wouldn't last much longer.

It was just a couple of months after my fifteenth birthday when the shit hit the fan. I arrived home late because Alice's mom, who always gave me a ride after school, had been held up at work. I rushed through the front door, eager to start dinner before dad got home. I now realize how naive I was in thinking that if my parents and I could sit down at the table for a meal every night, that would somehow still make us a family. I was so wrong.

I heard them before I saw them.

"What is this Renee? This is not you speaking right now."

I looked towards my father, my arm still mid air while hanging up my jacket on the coat rack. I stopped immediately

What was Riley Biers doing in our house?

Better question: Why the hell was my mother holding his hand?

The conversation between my parents halted suddenly when they saw me walk through the door. My mother looked almost panicked and my father looked like he was confused beyond belief, like he was attempting to solve some impossible puzzle.

For a brief moment, my mom opened her mouth to say something to me, but she quickly shut it and turned back to my dad.

"Charlie, you've known this was coming. I hate that Bella had to come in right in the middle of this." She paused to look sadly at me. "I wanted to speak to her privately about the whole... situation."

I had never been so confused in my life. I stood statue still in the doorway, afraid to move. Hesitantly, I began to speak.

"Mom? Dad? What's going on?" I paused to look at Riley. He seemed to be taking great care to look anywhere but my eyes.

"Baby," my mother started. She released her grasp on Riley's hand and walked over to me, taking my hands between her own.

"I'm moving to California."

With dawning realization, it occurred to me that she had not said WE are moving to California.

She was going to California. Without Charlie.

Without me.

I didn't need to hear anymore. I grabbed my coat from the rack and ran out the door before she had the chance to say anything else.

That was the last time I saw her. She made good on her word and moved to California. However, I had fled the house before she had the chance to explain that she wasn't going by herself. She wasn't taking us, but she was taking Riley.

She and Riley had met several months ago while she was giving him private art lessons. He was only 24, but that didn't seem to matter to my mother. She had grown tired of her existence in the sleepy town of Forks, the emptiness that my father was unable to fill, and she craved something new. That something new just happened to be a man young enough to be her son, a man who insisted that she follow him to California because he believed he had a real chance at becoming the next Brad Pitt or George Clooney. He snapped his fingers, said go, and just like that my mom was gone.

That night, I avoided going home until well after the sun had set and the moon had risen. I chose to spend my time crying at the old abandoned lumber mill, and it was only the ache in my heart for my dad that was able to lure me back home. I didn't even want to imagine that scene that would await me when I walked through the front door. I expected to witness things breaking, maybe walking in and seeing my father on his knees, crying and begging God to just bring her back.

Instead, I was met with silence.

I found him on the back porch, sitting still in one of the rocking chairs that my mother had picked up on the side of the road several years back. He stared absently ahead, not focusing on anything in particular. I sat on the ground next to him, refusing to sit in one of those chairs my mother had brought home. They were part of her, and I no longer wanted anything to do with her.

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on top of them. My father and I didn't speak for what seemed like hours. It was he who spoke first.

"I think there's still some leftover tuna casserole in the fridge that your mother made the other night. Mind warming some up, Bells?"

I looked up at him and realized that his eyes were shining, filled to the brim with tears. Even though he was still staring ahead and not at me, I smiled back weakly and patted his hand.

"No problem."

I eyed the tuna casserole sitting in the refrigerator and immediately imagined my mom and Riley, him driving some ridiculous Harley motorcycle with her sitting on the back, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, throwing her head back in laughter, in... freedom. I felt the bile rise in my throat. I took the dish and quickly scraped it into the garbage disposal. I started to gather the ingredients for fried chicken. Charlie and I definitely needed some comfort food.

We never spoke of mom again.

_**a/n: song mentioned is "the first snowflake" by boy least likely to. in the next chapter, edward should enter the picture. thanks for reading.**_


	3. Unarmed

_So just save your words and I'll fade away now_

_Give me a match and I'll burn it all down_

_Pick up your feet and take me home now_

_'Cause it's dark inside, and I'm all alone_

After mom left, I just sort of stopped caring. Something deep inside me changed, and I no longer gave a shit about anyone or anything. My grades plummeted, and I rarely hung out with Alice and Rose anymore. However, at home I always took great care to keep up the facade of the good daughter. My dad was completely oblivious to just how bad things had gotten for me. Instead, he was caught up in his own world, wasting away his evenings in front of the television, no doubt pining for the woman who had left him. We never once talked about it, about her, but I could see it written all over his face. He missed mom. If I was being honest with myself, I would have to admit that I missed her, too. However, I was much too proud to ever verbalize my grief. I chose instead to invest all my time and energy into partying... and into Jacob Black.

Jake was the son of Billy Black, Charlie's good friend. We had grown up together, so we always had a special kind of bond. I remember during middle school I suddenly just stopped hearing from him. He lived at La Push, so I never saw him around since we attended schools in different districts. Rumors had started spreading that Jake was getting into some 'pretty bad stuff'. Mike Newton's mom had seen him on the beach, beer in one hand with a joint in the other. Mr. Webber, Angela Webber's dad had seen him outside the local gas station, attempting to persuade random customers to buy him beer. I was shocked. Jake had always been such a good kid. Even though he was friends with his father, my dad warned me to stay away from Jake.

"That kid is nothing but trouble, Bella. So sad..." He would shake his head somberly then change the subject and ask what was for dinner. After Jake went off the deep end, his name sort of ceased to exist in my house. No one really spoke of him. Occasionally, I would ask dad if he had heard any news about him. I certainly hadn't heard from him. My dad would just mumble something like "Trouble.. poor Billy" then move on to a different topic of conversation.

My sixteenth birthday had come and gone the day I saw Jake standing outside the gas station. I threw my bike down on the ground behind the building and then wandered over to Jake. I hadn't seen him in ages, and holy shit had he completely changed.

His hair was now long, past his shoulders with a solitary dreadlock on the underside of his hair. He was tall. Really fucking tall. He was no longer the scrawny Jake that I had grown up with. His shoulders were broad and strong. I realized suddenly that Jacob Black was kind of... hot. Oh.

Jake saw me approaching and a lazy smile spread across his face. His eyes looked heavy, like it was taking every ounce of energy he possessed to merely keep them open. I was surprised when he started over towards me, throwing his arms around my waist and swinging me off the ground. He certainly was a jolly giant.

"Bella! Fuck, how long has it been? I meant to call. I swear I did." He released his grip on me and I set my feet back on solid ground.

"It's been a long time." I said, pushing the hair that had fallen from my ponytail out of my face.

"Yeah, it has." Jake exhaled slowly, not trying to hide the fact that his eyes were roaming up and down my body. I felt a blush begin to rise on my cheeks and silently cursed myself for it. I mean, it's not like I was much to look at. I was wearing my ratty old tshirt that I had acquired at summer camp almost six years ago. Amazingly, it still fit, but it wasn't like I had the tits to fill it out anyways. I looked like the same old, boring Bella while Jake looked like a golden god.

"So," I started. "What are you up to?"

"Just trying to score some beer. I had to get out of the house. Dad's all over my back again."

I nodded. I knew what it felt like to just want to escape.

"You look really tired, Jake. I mean, you can barely keep your eyes open." I said, my voice filled with concern. Jake began to chuckle, a look of amusement written all over his face.

"Come on," he said, grabbing my hand. His hand was so warm. It felt nice. "Let's go around back really fast."

We made our way behind the gas station. Jake released my hand and went to lean against the wall. He crossed his arms and began to speak.

"I'm not _tired,_ Bella. I probably look that way because I'm stoned." He let out a laugh.

"Oh." was all I could say. I had never really personally known anyone who had done drugs before. Alice and Rose were too obsessed with their grades and reputations to ever try anything like pot. All my life I had shared that same frame of mind, but now, I just wanted the pain to go away, and Jake just looked so happy and peaceful. I yearned for those feelings. I hadn't felt truly happy in forever.

I don't know if Jake could sense the thoughts running through my head or what, but he cautiously removed a joint from the pocket of his jacket.

"Care to partake?" He said to me, a gleam of mischief dancing in his eyes.

I had never been interested in trying weed before, but in that moment I just wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget about my mom up and leaving. I wanted to forget about my father sitting at home, probably staring blankly at the television, feelings of regret and loneliness pulsing through his veins.

Besides, it was just pot. One hit wasn't going to kill me.

Jake motioned for me to take the joint. I took it between my thumb and forefinger, examining it closely.

"Got a lighter?" I asked him.

* * *

It was all downhill from there. It wasn't the pot that was the problem. It was the alcohol, the sneaking out, my grades dropping and the other drugs that were the problem. After that day, Jake and I became inseparable. I began blowing off Alice and Rose to hang out with Jake and to get high. My father had no idea. I went to class the bare minimum and kept my grades right on the borderline so the school wouldn't call my dad and let him know they were concerned about me. He was completely oblivious to the fact that I snuck out and partied, too wrapped up in his own problems to notice. I also took great care to hide the fact it was Jake who I was spending all my time with. No doubt he would have suffered another major heart attack had he known.

My erratic behavior continued all throughout Sophomore year and followed me right into my Junior year.

The summer before Junior year, Jake and I had officially started dating. We had been practically attached at the hip over the past several months, but we always remained in the friends zone. One day, something just shifted. He refused to call me his girlfriend, though. He didn't like labels. I, on the other hand would have been perfectly fine having the words "Jacob Black's girlfriend" tattooed all over my forehead. I was head over hills crazy about him.

I honestly don't know if it was Jake or the deep seeded resentment I held against my mother that kept leading me to the drugs.

Cocaine was my drug of choice. It made me feel powerful, happy. I felt like I could do anything, like I was the most confident woman on the planet. Cocaine was also the main factor that gave me the courage to finally have sex with Jake.

He had been bugging me for awhile about it. I had wanted to wait until we were official, but he was constantly pressuring me. We had done everything but, and that was slowly becoming not enough. He wanted more from me, and if I was being honest with myself, I just wasn't ready. I couldn't hold out forever, though. Something was bound to snap.

One chilly, November night, we were sitting in Jake's basement. I had had an awful day. Rose had tried to confront me at school about me constantly blowing her and Alice off to go out with Jake. I snapped, and the confrontation ended with us throwing punches at each other. Luckily, it had been broken up before any teachers had the chance to catch us. I had no idea what I had become. How had it gotten this bad, me resorting to physically hitting one of the people who cared most about me? I had gone over to Jake's after school to just forget about everything and drink and hang out. Eventually, night had fallen and we were both on his couch watching re-runs of Jackass. I was laying on top of him, my chest flush with his.

"Jake," I said, feeling loose and confident from the vodka and cocaine. "I think..." My throat suddenly felt very dry. I tried to speak the words, but they just didn't seem to form. Instead, I showed him what I wanted. I allowed my hand to roam down to his very apparent boner. I squeezed gently and rubbed my chest slowly up and down his, allowing myself to enjoy the look of pleasure washing across his face. My lips travelled to his neck, licking and nibbling at the spot that I knew drove him crazy.

I must have been more intoxicated than I had originally thought, because the next words out of my mouth shocked me more than they shocked him.

"I want you to fuck me." I whispered into his neck. I heard a soft gasp escape his lips. There was a long beat of silence before I felt his forefinger ease under my chin, forcing me to lift my head and look into his eyes.

"You're sure?" He asked hesitantly.

I was still having difficulty forming words. I couldn't even manage a simple "yes". Instead, I removed my shirt.

* * *

I was so in love. I was in love with Jake, I was in love with the fact that dad had _finally _allowed me to get my license to drive (he was so paranoid), and I was in love with that little white powdery substance that brought me so much bliss. Everything seemed to be going perfect. In a couple of days, I was about to enter my Senior year, and after that I could get the fuck out of the God forsaken town of Forks. I had no particular colleges in mind yet, but preferably a school far, far away.

However, bliss can't last forever. Especially for me.

I remember _that_ day vividly for two main reasons. First, It was the day where I lost something I loved dearly. Well, something I _thought _I loved dearly. Second, it was also the day where I was introduced to someone, someone that would change me to my core. I didn't know it at the time, but I had looked my future in the eyes at the supermarket that day.

My future had the greenest eyes I had ever seen.

_**a/n: song lyrics are from 'unarmed' by mariah mcmanus. and sorry guys, but i lied. edward was not quite ready to make an appearance. he will next time. i promise. :) also, this IS an edward/bella story, but jake is an important factor at this point. **_

_**until next time...**_


	4. Boy

_God love your soul and your aching bones_

_Take a breath take a step meet me down below_

_Everyone's the same our fingers to our toes_

_We just can't get it right but we're on the road_

I was hurriedly rushing through the store, doing some last minute grocery shopping. I had really been slacking in the cooking department. Instead, I had been choosing to spend all my time with Jake at the beach. The kitchen was in desperate need of restocking. I was looking down at my grocery list, trying to decide whether I needed to pick up one bag of baby carrots or two when I felt the impact of my grocery cart slamming into something.

I cursed at the feeling of my shin hitting metal.

"Fuck!" I screamed a little more loudly than I had intended to. I immediately began rubbing the place on my leg that had run into the other person's shopping cart.

"I am so, so sorry." A male voice spoke up.

I continued to stare at the tiled floor and rub my shin, trying to gain some composure before I looked up. I exhaled slowly and began to speak.

"I'm sorr..." My voice trailed off as I looked up.

Green. All I saw was green, surrounded by a thick outlining of eyelashes.

"Are you alright?" The guy spoke. It was then I realized that my mouth was still hanging open, mid-sentence. There was no doubt this green eyed boy thought there was something mentally wrong with me. I quickly ordered my brain to begin functioning again.

"Maybe watch where you're going next time, huh?" I stood up straight, attempting to seem as tall as possible and placed my hand on my hip, trying my best to appear domineering.

The boy smiled.

His teeth literally blinded me, they were so white. He looked like he had stepped straight out of the pages of a Sears catalogue.

"I definitely will watch out next time." he chuckled. It was apparent that the accident was mostly my fault, but mystery man was being very kind to my bruised ego. I appreciated that.

I smiled weakly at him and began to wheel my cart away.

"Hey," he called out. I turned to face him.

"Do you mind pointing me towards the oatmeal? My brother is desperate for me to bring home some Dinosaur Oatmeal."

'What the actual fuck is Dinosaur Oatmeal?' I wondered inwardly.

"What the actual fuck is Dinosaur Oatmeal?" I said aloud. My mouth was seriously not functioning correctly.

"You've never had Dinosaur Oatmeal?" He asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise. He folded his arms and leaned on his cart. "Dinosaur Oatmeal is only the best thing in the entire universe. It's right up there with Dino Nuggets."

Dino Nuggets? Dinosaur Oatmeal? Where the hell did this boy get his inspiration for good food? A recipe book sold from a vendor on Sesame Street?

"Um, what are Dino Nuggets? And what is with your odd obsession with Dinosaurs?"

Mystery boy smiled widely. "I always was a huge fan of 'The Land Before Time' series." I laughed, even though I couldn't decipher whether he was being serious or not.

"I'm pretty sure the oatmeal is on aisle six. Next to the cake mix."

He placed his hands on his shopping cart and turned his cart to leave.

"Thank you." was all he said before smiling and walking away. After he left, I stood there for a moment. Who was that guy? He looked about my age, no older than maybe eighteen or nineteen. I had never seen him around before, so he had to have been new to the area. I knew everyone in this town. I briefly considered following him to the oatmeal, pretending to look at the cake mix, but I quickly pushed that thought aside. Stalker much?

I quickly grabbed the items that were left on my shopping list and headed for the checkout line. I was standing there, absentmindedly watching the clerk swipe my items when I saw it out of the corner of my eye.

A box that read 'Dinosaur Oatmeal'.

I looked up and saw mystery boy standing behind me in the checkout line, a playful smile on his lips. On top of the box of oatmeal were a few dollar bills. I looked up at the guy questioningly.

"It's on me. I'm just trying to expand your dietary pyramid." He shyly ran one of his hands through his dark bronze hair and looked down. He suddenly seemed very busy trying to organize his items on the conveyor belt. I could swear he was blushing. This fact was so endearing that I couldn't turn his request down. I handed the oatmeal to the checkout clerk.

"This, too."

She scanned the oatmeal and I looked back at dino boy.

"Thanks... I'm sorry, but what is your name?" I realized we had never covered the subject of names.

"Edward." he replied.

"I'm Bella" I said, extending my hand to his.

My hand met his. Skin to skin. His hands looked delicate, but he had a firm grip. His fingers were quite long. I wondered what he could do with those fingers?

"That will be seventy-two dollars and six cents, please." The clerk said.

I released my grip on his hand quickly and turned to pay for my items. I was handing my money to the clerk when my cell phone alerted me that I had a text message. I pulled my phone from my pocket while she gathered my change for me. I saw that the message was from Jake.

_Come over now. Bad news. I need 2 tell u in person._

My heart immediately dropped. I grabbed my groceries and hastily put them in my cart. I turned back around to Edward.

"Sorry for the rush, but something kind of came up. But thank you for the oatmeal. I'm sure it will go great with the lasagna I'm fixing tonight." I said teasingly.

Edward smiled. "You are very welcome. Maybe I'll see you around?"

"Hopefully." I walked through the sliding glass doors. I swear I heard Edward call my name, but I kept walking. I had to get to Jake, and I knew that if I even so much as glanced into Edward's eyes again, I would be lost, no way of knowing how to find my way back to reality. It almost felt like I had cheated on Jake by merely discussing oatmeal with this total stranger. That was a scary feeling. A new feeling. No other guy besides Jake had ever made my brain cease from forming sentences, my heart pound in my chest, gave me goosebumps by just staring into their eyes.

A scary feeling indeed.

I threw my groceries in the bed of my truck and started over towards Jake's house. My heart was beating heavily and worry filled my mind about what could possibly be so urgent. He had said it was bad news. Bad news could mean a number of things. I bit my thumbnail.

However, though filled with concern for Jake, I couldn't help but notice that every green traffic light I encountered immediately made my mind wander back to Edward's eyes.

* * *

"What do you mean you're leaving?" I shouted at Jake, my voice raspy from the screaming and tears.

Jake walked back and forth from his closet to his suitcase, refusing to make eye contact with me.

"Bella, you know if this was up to me there's no way in hell I would be leaving." He said, throwing a pair of jeans in his already full suitcase.

I stared at the ground, unable to stop the tears. I couldn't believe this was happening. The news had hit me like a ton of bricks. Apparently Jake's dad had found his stash in his closet. It would have been bad enough if he had just discovered his alcohol, but he had also found his weed and a bag of cocaine that Jake had hidden in the bottom of an old pair of work boots. That was the last straw. Billy was shipping him off in just a few hours to live with his grandfather in Alaska for the remainder of highschool. Jake was going to be attending a school of less than thirty, making even our tiny school in Forks look massive. Jake's grandfather lived in an extremely isolated part of Alaska, and he didn't even have a phone. The only way of communication was through letters. It was a total nightmare.

Senior year. Without Jake. Without... anything.

My sobs started again, surprising even me with their intensity. Jake sat down beside me, gathering me into his arms. He pulled me onto his lap and started speaking soothing words into my hair.

"This fucking sucks. Believe me, I know." I felt his hot breath on my neck, so real and present that it caused a new wave of pain to begin coursing through my body. How was I going to make it without him here?

"Jake," Billy's voice boomed from up the stairs. "You and your visitor need to wrap things up. We're heading out in about thirty minutes."

Jake rolled his eyes and shouted back the short response of "K." before releasing me to stand up and continue packing.

Billy had to know that we were dating, but he never questioned us. We had always been careful to keep any type of physical affection hidden from him in fear of he telling Charlie about us. As far as Charlie knew, Jake and I were merely acquaintances.

I wiped the tears from my face and stood up determinedly.

"So," I started, straightening out my shirt. "We'll make this work. We'll write, and whenever this bullshit is over, we'll get the fuck out of this pathetic town and never look back." Jake stared at me, a soft look taking over his face.

"Yeah," he whispered. He started over towards me and gently took my face between his hands. "That's exactly right." He smiled sadly.

"I guess I should go, huh?" A knot began rising in my throat. This whole thing felt so surreal. I was going to be alone. Totally and completely alone. Jake was all I had left in this town, and he was leaving. I turned to leave before Jake could say anything else. I couldn't stay in that room for another minute. There was so much still left unsaid between us, but I couldn't bear to stay any longer.

I walked through the kitchen and headed for the back door, avoiding eye contact with Billy who was sitting at the dining room table nursing a beer, his back turned to me. I saw a pile of half empty bottles of liquor sitting by the door next to the trash. They must have been the ones Billy had found in Jake's closet.

I place my hand on the doorknob, preparing to leave. I eyed the alcohol one last time, temptation filling me. I looked over at Billy, his back still turned to me. Without further hesitation, I grabbed a bottle of gin and a bottle of whiskey, opened the door, and left.

* * *

I couldn't go home. Not yet. I was a mess and I couldn't let dad see me in my current condition. My face was red and blotchy, my eyes practically swollen shut. I looked in the rearview mirror and examined my appearance.

I looked awful.

I quickly looked away from the mirror and looked towards the road. I could hear the bottles clanking in the seat beside me. A looked over at them, the moonlight reflecting off the glass of the bottles. I hit the gas pedal, wanting nothing more than to arrive at my destination, the lumber mill, and to begin wallowing in my sadness, drinking every thought that I had ever had of Jacob Black away.

My foot felt heavy on the gas pedal, causing me to speed closer to my escape. I must not have realize quite how fast I was going.

I saw the lights of the cop car before I heard the siren.

_**a/n: lyrics from 'all fall down' by one republic. updates will probably start to be once a week or so since i begin school within the next few days. i'm most likely to update on saturdays or sundays, but i'm not going to make a set updating schedule because i don't want to disappoint you guys if i don't post on time.**_

_**until next time...**_


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